Comparison

Our kids played in this puddle for 30 minutes. Engaged with tadpoles and water worms. Barefoot and content. Not asking for more. Not asking to be entertained. Allowing the magic of imagination to take hold and guide each step.

How many times do we rush our kids?
How often do we hurry them because we want to move on to something else?
How often do we sit and scroll on our phones while our children are caught up in the wonder of this magical earth we live on and we miss it?

We have to stop.
We have to do better.

Sit in the stillness. The silliness. The ordinary that is so extraordinary to them.

We live in an automatic world. A world that does not allow us to sit still. A world that prevents boredom.

I found myself, after five minutes, wanting to move on. Then I had what I call a holy moment. I asked myself, why? What else did we have to do? Where did we need to be?

Nothing. Nowhere.

None of those were good enough answers to pull these innocent littles out of their fun zone for selfish reasons.

Instead, I snapped a picture, put my phone in the buggy, and helped catch countless tadpoles. I watched them enjoy themselves and memorized the joy etched onto their little faces.

We rush through life. Rushing from one high to the next. And no, I am not talking about drugs.

It seems like everything must be exciting, distinctive, fresh, original.

Many people wonder how we got here, but I know exactly how we got here.

Smartphones and social media.

Before everything was shared across this vast globe, our comparison barometer was minuscule. It barely existed. Sure, comparison has always been part of human nature. People will compare. But now it is all-encompassing.

We compare parenting styles, academics, sports, hobbies, clothes, food, summer camps, baby milestones, wrinkles, hair, nails, shoes, homes, cars.

We compare every stupid thing.

Why?

Because it is out there for us to see. Someone shares something. We see it. We form an opinion. Then we compare.

Those comparisons are either public or private, but they are there.

Comparison kills. Comparison is evil. Comparison steals joy.

It is completely detrimental, yet most of us are so deep in it that we have no way to swim to the surface. No clue which way is up.

The scariest part is that comparison seeps into every area of our lives and sprinkles all over our littles who watch us so closely. They pick up on every single comparison.

Moms comparing themselves to other moms.
Dads comparing themselves to other dads.
Parents comparing what they have versus what other families have.
Parents comparing their children and their abilities against others.

It has to stop.

It is not healthy and it is not sustainable. We have to shift the paradigm. Celebrate yourself and the talents you have without comparing yourself to someone else and obsessing over what you do not have.

Read that again. Celebrate yourself and what you have without comparison to anything or anyone else.

Every person is made beautiful and unique, unless you are a spawn, narcissist, psychopath, or sociopath.

I am deeply concerned about the direction our teenagers are heading. They travel this path because we make it acceptable. They travel this path because it has become the norm.

The number of times I have heard a parent say they are getting their child an iPhone because all of the other kids have one and they do not want their child to feel left out is ghastly.

When did children start ruling the roost?

When did parents start caring more about being liked by their children than being the leader of their household and making the safer, better decisions?

News flash. We are not here to be our children’s friends. We are here to raise them into good, productive, responsible, emotionally resilient, strong, contributing members of society.

We are not here to be their bestie. Get a grip.

You cannot let your desire for a close relationship with your children override the need to parent them correctly.

Apparently this is an unpopular opinion, but we are here to provide and protect them. Not dress like them and make TikTok dances to explicit songs with moves far too advanced for a child.

You are in the driver’s seat. There are no backseat drivers.

Allowing your children to dictate decisions is a dangerous path.

A mom once told me she really did not want her five-year-old playing Roblox, but she lets him because all of his friends play and he felt left out.

Mary Poppins might as well have called me a codfish because my mouth was wide open.

That right there is how you set yourself up to be continually pushed over.

Believe me, they are taking notice.

Your kids may not remember every detail of your day, but they remember the times they convinced you to change your stance. They remember when they won.

So the next time you try to hold a boundary, they push. They negotiate. They throw a fit.

They do this because it has worked before.

They do not know how to handle not winning with you.

If you do not have clear boundaries when raising your kids, you are setting yourself up for manipulation, exploitation, and disrespect.

Beyond that, you are not building an emotionally resilient child.

Emotional resilience is critical in this world. The lack of it is a major reason so many children and teens are anxious and depressed.

And guess what?

So much of this is driven by comparison.

The way you parent. The relationship you think you should have with your kids. The way you dress them. The activities you sign them up for.

It is all influenced by comparison.

And it is killing their childhood.

It is turning teenagers into comparison driven versions of themselves, constantly measuring, constantly performing, constantly wondering if they are enough.

And here is the uncomfortable part.

We are feeding it.

We hand them devices because other kids have them.
We sign them up for things because other families are doing it.
We loosen boundaries because we do not want them to feel left out.
We second guess our instincts because someone else is doing it differently.

That is comparison parenting.

And our children are absorbing it.

They do not just compare themselves to their peers. They watch us compare. They feel our insecurity. They sense when our decisions are rooted in fear of being different.

When we parent from comparison, we parent without conviction.

And when there is no conviction, there are no clear boundaries.

Children need parents who are anchored. Parents who can say no not because everyone else is saying no, but because it aligns with their values.

No, we are not doing that.
No, you are not getting that.
No, just because everyone else has it does not mean you need it.

Not out of control. Not out of anger. Out of steadiness.

Comparison makes parents hesitant.
Hesitant parents create confused children.
Confused children look for control.

You lead them.

Not the other way around.